Chapter 1- Dawn of the Grot

Shit.

The next goddamn time someone asks you for a favor, tell them to go fuck themselves...
- Grot6

. Today is Anyday... of Anyweek... Year 1.. The year of kicking ass, and taking names... The year of Hellfire and Brimstone... The year those motherfucker undead zombie, asshole, Ratzies decided to pop into my timezone and start some shit...

It all started with a phone call in the middle of the night, as it usually does. One minute, your entertaining good company, in the form of a hot blond bartender named Kim, with nice legs, wrapped around you for support, while your slamming her head into your wall. Redecorating the wallpaper with her fingernails, and head sized holes, the next, you make the mistake of answering the goddamn Grot phone, with the damn shitty ringtone, that everytime you know it rings, some motherfucker is coming to earth to start some shit...

The Department of Asshole Defense has me on speed dial, because I make it my business to kick ass and break shit for a living. I'm very fortunate to have a job that I love, but UNfortunate that the G man asshole suit types that work for Uncle Suger have me on speed dial when they have shit they need some asshole to deal with that they can't, that they need taken care of, in a very timely manner, in a very hush hush way. Of course, the Grotster has a few tricks up his sleeve to keep the world amazed, and all the little girls wowing for hours, but it's not every day that I get calls in the middle of my... Quiet time.

"Hey, Asshole, It's goddamn two in the motherfucking morning, and I'm busy... YOU better have something good, or I'm gonna come down to your office and kick your fuckin' slatz in!!!", I answer in my cheerful, fun-loving special way.

"It's a bad one, Grot.. real bad. We have reports of a temperal distubance in a small middle eastern town, somewhere between the middle of Nohere'e and Sunsan.
I need you to go down there and take your guys in and see what's going on. We had a few regular G.I. Types, but we lost track of them, and we can't get them in on the comms."- Simon, my all together no nonsense asshole G man type leash, started in on his as usual, asshole tired, asshole speech. " It's looking like there is a radiation sig, about five miles wide. The only problem is , we arn't seeing mushrooms, or dasies. The only thing we got going here is a strong temperal shift, and then we lost track of the situation. Do me a favor, and go on out there and see whats going on in the area. If there's something that is wrong, do what you do best, and take care of the mess for me, under the table."
"So? What the fuck, you lose some assholes and think I'm gonna find them for you? What the fuck do I look like, the fucking yellowpages?" I grouched into the phone, looking over at a fine looking girl, "Go fuck yourself, asshole. I'm busy right now." I piss and moan into the phone, while Kim rolled over and started in on that look that girls give you when they arn't so very happy with the way things are going. ( spoiled ass, better for the makeup sex.:)

I looked over her and held up a hand as she started in on her shit. "What's going on there?" she asked, "You got some work to deal with?" "Yeah," I said as I hung up the phone. "I should be back in a couple of days, if your still going to be around." She rolled out of bed with her fine ass, lighting up a lucky strike." I don't know. I might have to go to work or something. Why don't you call me when you get back, and lets see what shakes."
(I got something for you to shake, girl..) I thought as I got up and started in on my shit.
"I'll try to get back as soon as I take care of some shit for this guy I know." I call over to her as I go into my scraggly one room apartment. "Like I said, this shit can't be more then a week or so." "You still got my number, right?" She asked, slipping into one of my T Shirts. " I got it. Maybe I'll bring you some stuff back with the shiny shines, and stuff." I quickly add in, trying to make light of the situation. Looking over at me sideways, she exhales some smoke and flicks off an ash. " Just try not to be too long, You owe me some Me time, as in givng it to me without that stupid ass phone goin off and interrupting the best fuck I was ever having ever since my ex left." I perked up at that as I started up on a pot of coffee. "Well, darlin'... I don't have to leave just right this second." as I then slip a rough green hand over her soft thigh, guiding her well shaped body over to the bed, slightly tweaking a perfect nipple...

Pot of coffee bubbling up on the stove, a sweet smelling girl in your arm, and a satisfied sigh of a satisfied woman...

If only everyday could start so great.